INT. OFFICE -- DAY
MR. STEVENS sits at his desk. NOODLES enters, briefcase in hand.
MR. STEVENS
Ah, welcome. Have a seat. I was just going over your resume, Mr.--
NOODLES
(shouting like real crazy)
Noodles!
MR. STEVENS
Excuse me?
NOODLES
Noodles, ya heard!!
MR. STEVENS
Well, this is a highly unusual way to begin an interview.
NOODLES
Noodles, noodles, noodles. All y'all wants my noodles!
MR. STEVENS
What is this? You're being ridiculous and I don't care for it!
NOODLES
Why you gotta get up in my noodles, son. NOOOOODDDDDLLLLEEEESSSSS!
MR. STEVENS
Listen, I don't respond well to ridiculous behavior. If you don't start being unridiculous soon, I'm going to throw you out of this building. Now let's try to salvage this interview. Why don't you show me your portfolio?
NOODLES
A'ight. I'm just sayin' Noodles is all.
Noodles opens his briefcase. It is filled with all manner of noodles. He dumps them on Mr. Stevens' desk.
NOODLES
Let's get some noodles up in this shit!!
Noodles begins to dance.
MR. STEVENS
No! That is not what I want to do! Now this situation is even more ridiculous than it was before!
NOODLES
What's up now? Can't handle the Noods, son?
MR. STEVENS
Stop ridiculously talking about noodles. Your off-kilter behavior is upsetting me! Now get out of my office so things can go back to not being so ridiculous and crazy!
Noodles puts on a hangdog expression and begins slowly scraping the noodles back into his briefcase.
NOODLES
Why does everybody have to hate on noodles all the time?
MR. STEVENS
I'm sorry I yelled, but the type of behavior you were displaying was nothing short of ridiculous. Now, putting aside what just happened, let's try for a second time to conduct this interview in a civilized way that doesn't violate my expectations for normal social interaction.
Noodles gets all the noodles back in his briefcase and sits down.
MR. STEVENS
Okay, so in a non-ridiculous way, tell me why you want to work for this company. And don't use the word "noodles".
Silent beat.
NOODLES
Noodles. I'm sorry, but noodles.
Noodles opens his briefcase and shakes the noodles all over the room.
NOODLES
Y'all gots to hear 'bout my noodles! A'int no one gonna change me! NOODLES, BITCHES! MOTHERFUCKIN' NOODLES!!
MR. STEVENS
I should have known the ridiculousness had yet to reach it's climax! Stop this at once. I am very straight-laced and I have been pushed WAY out of my comfort zone! There is no way you're getting this job! Now stop talking about noodles and get out of my office.
NOODLES
Nah way, man. I may get out of your office, but I'll never stop talkin' 'bout noodles. Noodles is my thang! It's got to be Noodles!!! When I was just a nobody, everyone would say "Shut up, Noodles. You're being ridiculous!" or "It is ridiculous to shout about noodles all the time and also to name yourself Noodles", but I showed them. Now I'm Noodles and everybody knows it. So fine -- don't give me this job. If I can't shout about noodles all the motherfuckin' time, then I don't want to work here. Noodles to you, man!
Noodles heads for the door.
MR. STEVENS
Wait. That speech moved me and I have completely reversed my position on not hiring you. I would be proud to have you as a spokesperson for The Crazyfun Noodle Store Corporation and, yes, I know the name of my company greatly undermines the justification for my earlier reactions.
NOODLES
Noodles!!!
BLACKOUT.
